There Once Were Stars Read online

  The kiss ends as softly as it began. I lean back and smile, and Jak smiles back.

  “I’ve wanted to do that since we were twelve,” he says.

  “You did!” I feel my cheeks get hot. “Why didn’t you, then?”

  “We were barely teenagers,” he says, looking away as he wrings his hands together. “You weren’t interested in boys or kissing. At least I didn’t think you were until you snuck off at lunch one day at school, and kissed James Poole behind the locker rooms.”

  “James Poole!” I burst into laughter, quickly covering my mouth so not to wake his parents. “Xara dared me to kiss him because I was the only girl in our grade that hadn’t. She bet me a chocolate I wouldn’t do it. You know me. I hate to lose.”

  Jak’s face is red when he looks back at me. “I was so mad at James that I knocked him over on our way to class.” He reaches over and grabs my hand, covering it with his palm.

  “All because I kissed him?”

  He nods. “In that moment I realized I didn’t want anyone else to kiss you.”

  I laugh, but it comes out strained. The uncomfortable feeling I got in the movie theater starts to creep back under my skin, and I try to pull my hand from Jak’s grip. “We were kids.”

  His gaze bears down on me as his grip tightens. “That’s when I realized I was—in love with you.” He doesn’t take his eyes off mine, as if the answer he wants lies somewhere deep within me. He is dead serious.

  “In love?”

  “Yes,” he whispers. “I love you, Nat.”

  A cold sweat breaks across my skin. The room feels like it’s closing in on me. Trapped. For the first time ever, Jak’s room is not a refuge, it’s a prison. His hand lets mine go, distracted by my silence, or his own confession. Whatever it is it allows me the chance to slip my hand out from under his, and rub it along my pant leg.

  “I don’t know what to say,” I stammer. I look away, not wanting to see his face anymore. Uneasiness bubbles into my stomach.

  “You don’t have to say anything.” His shoulders slump forward, and I feel pity for my quiet friend. I have only seconds to save this friendship.

  “Jak,” I put my hand on his shoulder, “I just learned your feelings for me, which will take me time to process, but I came here to tell you something else. Something more important.”

  “More important than me confessing my love?” The hurt is plain in his voice. You must have had some idea at the movies?” he asks. His eyes search mine looking for the answer he wants to hear.

  My voice cracks. I’m overwhelmed by his intensity; it’s too much.

  “I’m in trouble. I need your help,” I blurt out. Tears spring to my eyes.

  His brows raise and then push together, and he grabs my hand again, but this time he’s gentle “Tell me what’s wrong. Let me help.”

  What am I going to tell him? Confess how I’ve broken the rules all these years? Jak, who believes in the dome like no one else I know. Jak, who’s about to start working alongside the Director, the most powerful person in the dome? Jak, who loves the only person in this place who cares the least for the rules?

  I stare at his face, so trusting and innocent. He’s never suffered loss. But the question is, can I trust him? I’m not sure, or am I just being paranoid? But he’s still Jak. Maybe even more mine than he was before I came tonight. I don’t know where to start, so I have no choice but to go to the beginning.

  I tell Jak everything from my clearing in the dome, to the encounters I had with the one Outsider. But I leave out the second Outsider, my Grandfather’s ordeal with the Order years ago, and the photo I found in the elevator. I’m not ready to give everything up. I end with my Grandmother’s slap a fortnight ago, before finally releasing my tears.

  Jak’s arms surround me, and pull me close, holding me tight as I sob into his chest. The information overload, combined with recent confessions, has turned me into a blubbering fool.

  My mother’s notebook pokes into my side. I know what I have to do next. It’s a sacrifice for my family.

  “Can you help me? I need you to dispose of this.” I pull out the notebook, and hand it to Jak.

  “What?” Jak hesitates. “But that’s—”

  “Yes,” I interrupt, “I know what it is. But I need it destroyed. They’ll eventually match me to the handprint. There are things my mother wrote in here; her hopes, dreams, and opinions. I don’t want the Order to be able to use it against me, or use it to drag her name through the mud. Please, Jak, do this for me.”

  “It’ll be ok, Nat,” Jak runs his hand down my hair. “You have excellent explanations for everything. Yes, you knew you shouldn’t be in the Outer Forest, but it’s been a sanctuary for you since you were nine. How can they blame a little girl who lost her parents? Should you know better now? Yes, you aren’t denying that. But the Outsider? That’s not your fault. As for what happened to your parents, that’s conjecture. There will always be conspiracy stories in the dome regarding what happened to the Expedition scientists, if you listen in the right places.”

  “You’re right.” I take a deep breath. It feels nice to be held like this, as he downplays my worries. He kisses my forehead, as he takes the notebook from my hands. My last real connection to my parents, gone with a kiss.

  Jak walks me home, holding my hand in his delicately, as if I could break. We make our way up the street to my grandparents’ apartment. The night is perfect, and kissing him at my door, before he leaves me for the night, doesn’t seem as overwhelming as it would have a little bit ago. The thought leaves my cheeks warm, and I’m about to imagine what it might feel like, when a block away I see two Order members leaving, with Grandfather between them.

  I let go of Jak’s hand and scream, “No!”, but Jak grabs me from behind, and spins me around into the wall of the building beside us, kissing me with such eagerness it hurts, but there’s no passion in it—he’s blocking me from the Order. Over his shoulder I see them disappear into their car, and drive away with Grandfather.

  “What did you do that for?” I yell, striking my fists against Jak’s chest as soon as he lets me go. “You had no right!”

  “I’m protecting you from yourself.” He grabs my wrists, but I wrestle free. I will not let him restrain me again.

  “Go away!” I shout, turning and running into the apartment building. I brace myself between the narrow walls of the stairwell as I take the stairs two at a time. In the hallway I stumble toward the apartment, as my world begins to crumble around me. Grandfather is the last link I have to happiness. I dread a life alone with Grandmother.

  The doorway of the apartment is wide open, and inside the chair and table from the kitchen are knocked over. I walk in, cautiously stepping over a spilled vase of fake flowers.

  “Grandmother?”

  There’s no response.

  I walk farther into the apartment, and see her standing at the picture window, staring out into the empty street, where Grandfather was taken. A cluster of stars shine in the distance, forming a halo around her silhouette.

  “He’s gone, Nat,” Grandmother says quietly. “He’s gone, and I don’t think he’ll ever return.”

  I walk up behind her and reach out to give her comfort. But when I see her reflection in the glass, it’s not sadness that lies upon her face. It’s hate. I drop my hand and take a step back. “What happened?”

  “I warned you. I warned you to stay out of the Outer Forest. I warned you to follow the rules. None of this would have happened if you had listened to me.”

  I thought of my earlier conversation with Jak, and a pang of guilt cramped in my gut. None of this was his fault, but I took it out on him. But he was right; it wasn’t my fault, either. I hadn’t asked for any of this. I didn’t invite the Outsider in. So what if I went to the Outer Forest? Was that really worth imprisonment?

  “They wouldn’t take Grandfather away because I was in the Outer Forest. It doesn’t make any sense.”<
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  “Nat.” Her voice is sharp and she turns toward me. I brace myself for another slap, but she only narrows her eyes. “This has nothing to do with you. Grandfather called the Order, to try to convince them that he had something to do with the Outsider—so he could protect you. But they already knew it was you, and now they’ve taken my husband away for treason.”

  “All because he lied about the picture?”

  “You stupid girl. If you hadn’t been in that clearing he never would have seen you.”

  “The Outsider?”

  “Your uncle—the Order found his handprint on the outside of the glass, opposite yours. He’s alive. Alec is back.”

  “Uncle Alec?” I stammer, trying to find the words to form a question, but all I can hear is, Alec is back. “How? You said he died with Mom and Dad.”

  “Apparently not.” Grandmother steps away from the window. Her face comes into view, revealing where tears have trailed down her wrinkles to her pursed lips. “I assume that’s where this came from.” She tosses the small photo at me, then retreats to her bedroom door where she disappears, slamming the door behind her.

  I stare at the photo, crumpled up on the floor. How could something so small have caused so much trouble? I know one thing that Grandmother doesn’t. The person they have in the Axis, the Outsider, is not the same person who left the handprint on the dome. My Uncle Alec is somewhere outside still. Somewhere, alive.

  CHAPTER 7

  When I was growing up, there wasn’t enough room to mourn for both my parents, and my uncle at the same time, so I pushed Alec into a small corner of my memories. He was only ten years older than me, so I was more of an inconvenience to him than a niece, and I followed him around everywhere he went. But, he did take time to show me things he found. He was an apprentice geologist and passionate about rocks.

  “Look here, Nat.” Uncle Alec would demand my direct attention. “This is a river rock. Feel it. Its roundness was formed by the water, long before the Cleansing Wars. It represents how one element can be changed by another, showing there’s magic in the world all around us. Your parents brought it back for me from one of their expeditions. One day I will get to go with them.”

  And he eventually did. Like Jak, he knew the field he wanted to work in before he was eighteen. Because of his passion, he was allowed to start directly in geology when he left the Learning Institute. For that entire year, he brought more and more rocks back to study from the outside. It’s funny. I can hardly remember his face. But I can picture almost every rock he had in his collection.

  But now, as I wake up, my memory haunts me with his face. Not the one from my childhood, but the one on the other side of the dome wall. My uncle is alive.

  We should be celebrating, but instead, the apartment feels like the shroud of death envelops us. Grandmother hides in her room, and Grandfather has been sent to the Axis—most likely to B2, the floor that haunts people with the sound of screams. I’d spent the last weeks worrying about myself, and now the only other person who cared is gone. What’s next? As if to answer my thoughts, the doorbell buzzes.

  The sound persists, but Grandmother’s footsteps don’t move toward it. I leave my room, pausing by her bedroom, and peek inside. The curtains are drawn, blocking out whatever light is on the other side. She lies, still as a corpse, and I hold back from checking her pulse. She’s fine, just unable to accept what might lie ahead. Sympathy washes over me; I know what it’s like to have so many questions. Hers are so deep it’s harder to quell them. I close her door and answer the main one.

  But as soon as I open it, I wish I hadn’t. A Member of the Order stares at me, eyeing me up from head to toe. “Natalia Greyes?”

  My stomach lurches, and my pulse races. “Yes.” Visions of handcuffs, cells on B2, and swollen eyes overtake my mind.

  “You are instructed to report to the Order, Axis, Floor 16,” she commands.

  It’s as if I’m watching myself in slow-motion, from up above. My mouth hangs open, and I freeze, standing there like a child, unable to react.

  “Immediately, Miss Greyes.” The member raises an eyebrow. “Get dressed and gather your things, please. You will not be returning to the apartment district.”

  But Floor 16 is not B2. It’s far above even the Order offices.

  “Do I need my uniform,” I ask with an ounce of hope that she might shed some light on where I’m going.

  She shakes her head.

  I bite the inside of my cheek. “How am I supposed to know what to pack?”

  “We have an appointment to keep. Don’t make me ask again.”

  I turn away, shuffling to my room. Every step intensifies the questions bouncing around in my head, the biggest being, what is going to happen to me? I grab an overnight bag from my closet, and stuff it with a change of clothes and some personal items. I take the two photos from my nightstand, the one with my parents and the one of me alone; seems fitting, seeing as it caused this mess. With everything stuffed in my bag, I slip my locket into my pocket.

  I return to the hallway, pausing one last time by Grandmother’s bedroom door, where I place my palm against its smooth surface. If only you didn’t hate me the moment I came to live here, reminding you of everything you lost. If only you loved me enough to come out here and stop this. My hand drops from her door, and I turn to face my condemnation. I will not show this stranger any fear.

  “Let’s go,” I say, holding my chin up as I step outside the apartment, and close the door behind me.

  We arrive at the Axis in speedy fashion. Members are the only ones allowed an electric vehicle. It helps them to carry out their business with the swift hand of justice. As we enter the large lobby, the secretary glances from behind her desk. In a flash, her eyebrows furrow, but she looks away, focusing back on her work as we approach. The member passes her a sheet.

  “Insert your old card, please,” the secretary says, after a quick scan of the paper. I reach into my bag, and pull out the card that is still attached to my work shirt. The member grabs it from me, and sticks it in the same slot it was spit out of only a few weeks ago. I watch as it’s sucked back in, eliminating the last trace of my existence, here in the dome. Within seconds a new card pops out. This one has my photo like the one that disappeared, only, underneath it reads—Natalia Greyes, Science Division, Floor 16.

  “Science Division?” I stare at the card as the member hands it to me. “I’m confused.” The secretary’s brow inches up, and then she looks back at her desk before the member can see.

  “Let’s go,” the Member commands.

  I follow her to the elevators, still confused. Where am I going? Are they going to interrogate me upstairs? Inside the elevator, she presses the button for Floor 16, and the elevator begins its quick ascent. B2 shines at the bottom, and I can’t help but think of Grandfather.

  “Will I get to see my grandfather?”

  She blatantly ignores me, staring straight ahead through her perfectly trimmed bangs. Her lips are pursed between her pale round cheeks, but at their edges are smile lines. She looks tired, not mean—maybe I can appeal to her lighter side. “Listen,” I say, clearing my voice. “I think I deserve to know what’s going on here before you start torturing me for information.

  She bursts out laughing. “Torture? What do you think goes on in the Science Division?”

  My face instantly gets hot. What am I missing? The elevator dings, and the doors pop open. Her nametag flashes as she walks past me onto Floor 16. Rowenna London, Science Officer, Floor 16.

  “I don’t understand.” I chase after her, trying to keep up to her brisk pace. “You’re wearing a symbol of the Order.” I point to the arm of her jacket. “How can you be a part of the Science Division?”

  “I watch over the Science Division. My job is to make sure everything runs smooth, stays on target, and follows the best interests of the dome.”

  “So you’re the watchdog?” I eye her suspiciously. “Maki
ng sure nothing gets out of place? What am I supposed to be then? Your prisoner?”

  “I will be keeping an eye on you.” Rowenna stops, crossing her arms against her chest and looking me up and down. “This is your room. Once you’re settled, you can join us on Floor 18. You’ll soon learn that the Axis is a combination of living quarters and work areas for all employees. The Science Division takes up Floors 16-36.”

  “You aren’t going to lock me in here?”

  Rowenna laughs again, filled with a girlish tone, though she has to be in her mid-twenties. I walk into my new bedroom, a small, dorm-like rectangle with a dresser, bed, and desk connected in that order on either side of the room. “I still don’t understand why I’m here.”

  Her face grows serious, eliminating all evidence of humor. “Honestly, I don’t either. You didn’t complete an entrance exam. You haven’t completed any work terms.”

  “I didn’t ask for this.”

  “Well, you’d better get used to it.” She leans against my door frame. “Someone obviously wants you here. This is your permanent assignment now. You’re here for life.” She smiles as she steps back and the door slides shut, cutting me off from everything.

  I turn back toward my room. Permanent assignment? How did that happen? I open my bag and dump the contents on my bed, flopping beside them. I wish I’d packed more than one change of clothes. I lean back onto my pillow and laugh out loud. Instead of being a prisoner on B2, I’m condemned to the Science Division.

  The door to my room opens, and I’m greeted by another new face. This one has long, curly, blond hair and a smile plastered on her face like she just found a long, lost friend. She’s a couple years older than me, and advances with slender fingers outstretched. “Hi, I’m Tassie Greenwood. Looks like we’re roommates.” Her smile reveals a flash of white teeth, highlighted by light-pink lip gloss, and her fingernails shimmer with a layer of pearl-pink polish. Every part of her is a reflection of the luxuries not allowed in the dome—at least, not outside the Axis.